>>>Did you live like God is alive today?

2007-06-23T18:48:00.001+08:00

moved.

http://reignrain.livejournal.com

2007-06-08T00:31:00.000+08:00

of cos, you wanna noe why i dun update anymore dont you.

like who cares cel.

i have moved. u should move on too.

blog add will be released when its ready. ask if you can be bothered.

2007-06-08T00:24:00.000+08:00

med interview

2007-04-28T10:23:00.000+08:00

excerpt from a benny hinn book:

a boy was trying very hard to push a rock that was blocking the driveway. he pushed and he tugged. he used a lever, tried rolling it and thought of all ways. but the rock just would not budge.

his father came along and asked " what are you doing son?"

he answered desperately " i am trying to remove this rock but it just won't budge. i have tried and tried all means but none works."

his father asked again " you have tried all means?"

the little boy nodded with lethargy and replied sadly "yes daddy.."

looking at the boy in his eyes, his father smiled.

"son, you haven't asked for my help"

you wont know what you are missing until you ask. at least that's what i learnt.

this week has been the buzz of med and law interviews.

thank you daddy, my parents, my brother, my doctor, my colleague, section 5 and team e, my friends and special mention to 1 who will never chance upon my blog. for reminding me that my strength comes from on high.

my med interview was fine overall. had my moments of drilling, of silence and fortunately of laughter and fun too. i have done all i could. the rest is in his hands.

its weird how those interview dialogues, scenes will continuously replay in ur head. cant imagine having a spoilt video recorder in my head for 1 whole month. 1 month seems so long.

all the best to those having upcoming interviews!

childhood

2007-04-10T12:38:00.000+08:00

went jogging today morning, despite sleeping past 1am. this is the problem. when i start strumming n singing on my guitar. i compulsively cant stop. and now that my teacher complains im too demure for guitar playing (oh well i guess so too :p) i have to strum super loudly. my dad is starting to cordon off an area where im forbidden and tt leaves me with the kitchen toilet actually. but anyway jogging rocks rocks rocks! i shall train for the 7km run tt never came to pass. if not all the army guys will just leave me half-dead in the middle of the jog.

this is a much over due entry. it was sup to be put up last wed 0404. but oh wells, smth cropped up and i forgot to post! anyway this is my last last day of slacking in doc's office, abusing my colleague, eating all sorts of cold junk food, making paper cranes and wind chimes, guitar playing, singing, dancing.. cos my doc is returning from nepal tomorrow! *gulp

but all the same here goes:

when i update at this frequency. u noe i must be bored.

real bored.

yes my colleague is in hospital now because of some stupid bug that makes her puke non stop. poor girl. my mum had it 2 nights ago as well. they will vomit no matter what they eat or drink until the bile appears (eew) its horrible. anyone know what it is pls enlighten me, meanwhile i will faithfully read e whole rack of medical books next to me.

heh dr is so going to kill me if he noe i haven read all the textbks n bulletins he "lent" to me since 3 months ago.

yes i koped this frm esther blog. just to prove to u all, im not a mugger!! ok then again maybe not.. lets see:

Have you ever:
( ) smoked a cigarette
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped

( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) snuck out of your parent's house well i was not sneaking. i was chased out outright.
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back

( ) been arrested
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x ) skipped school
( ) seen someone die how about hearing the thud and scream of a person who jumped off a building

( ) had a crush on one of your internet friends
( ) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) purposely set a part of yourself on fire ...

(x) eaten sushi
(x) been skiing
(x ) been at a concert
(x ) taken painkillers
(x ) miss someone right now

(x ) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x ) made a snow angel
( ) had a tea party
(x ) flown a kite
(x ) built a sand castle

(x ) gone puddle jumping
(x ) played dress up
(x ) jumped into a pile of leaves
( ) gone sledding
(x ) cheated while playing a game i sincerely pray that my brother no longer reads my blog

(x) been lonely who has never been? those are the real loners.
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake ID
(x) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake

(x) slept beneath the stars remember my psl camp when we just slept at the bball courts..
(x ) been tickled
( ) been robbed
(x ) been misunderstood
( ) petted a kangaroo/reindeer/goat

(x ) won a contest
(x ) run a red light/stop sign coercing my dad to do so should count right?
( ) been suspended from school
( ) been in a car crash
( ) had braces

(x ) felt like an outcast/third person
(x ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night my ben n jerrys!
(x ) had deja vu
( ) danced in the moonlight
(xxxxx ) liked the way you looked ok its just confidence you see :p

( ) witnessed a crime
(x ) questioned your heart
(x ) been obsessed with post-it notes obsession is an understatement
( ) squished barefoot through the mud
(x ) been lost

(x ) been on the opposite side of the country everytime i travel to school?
(x ) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers

(x) recently colored with crayons whee with my darlings at lions home! wax crayons rock!
(x) sung karaoke taiwan ... : (
(x ) paid for a meal with only coins
(x ) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x ) made prank phone calls

(x ) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose oh yes. how embarassing.
(x ) caught a snowflake on your tongue gross. beijing must have had air pollution that year.
( ) danced in the rain
( ) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under the mistletoe

( ) watched the sun rise with someone you care about tried and tried and failed and failed. wrong time wrong direction wrong place.
(x ) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a party
(x ) gone rollerskating

(x ) had a wish come true
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) ate dog/cat food
(x ) told a complete stranger you loved them whatever that stupid game our senior class made us play. yes im not that friendly.
(x ) kissed a mirror hehee i was trying to see wad my first kiss was like

(x ) sang in the shower
(x ) had a dream that you married someone
(x ) glued your hand to something
( ) kissed a fish
( ) sat on a roof top

(x ) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel dont the tv shows always have tt disclaimer? im a guai girl.
(x ) talked on the phone for more than 5 hours
(x ) stayed up all night
( ) picked and ate an apple right off the tree does rambutan count?

( ) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
(x ) scared to watch a scary movie alone
( ) believe in ghosts
(x ) have more than 30 pairs of shoes hmm 3 pairs of sports shoes, 3 pairs of flats, 3 pairs of slippers and 6 pairs of heels. halfway there! oh yes and my boots frm red cross and black pumps from psb! and my personalised clogs in indonesia!

(x ) worn a really ugly outfit to school yea the hc sch uniform
( ) gone streaking woo wads this?
( ) gone doorbell ditching
( ) played gay chicken
(x ) pushed into a pool/hot tub with all your clothes on i will never forget this dj. u made me go school in damp underwear shirt pinafore socks and shoes. i will get u after u book out.

(x ) broken a bone yep sometimes cant help it when i eat chicken wings
(x ) been easily amused
( ) caught a fish then ate it
( ) caught a butterfly
(x ) laughed so hard you cried

(x ) cried so hard you laughed
(x ) cheated on a test
( ) forgotten someone's name
( ) gone skinny dipping in a pool/hot tub
(x ) been threatened to be kicked out of your house or been kicked out of your house

whee. childhood fun.

reminds me to create beautiful memories even now.

2007-04-08T23:47:00.000+08:00

easter

and my redeemer lives

2007-04-05T23:35:00.000+08:00

she wakes up in the middle of what she is doing with a sudden fear that grips her.

what was she doing? where was she?

the grip tightens with each struggle of escape. the helplines slowly fade into the darkness.

the world seeks to tie her down with the puppetry strings.

click.

welcome to reality.

need a break

2007-04-03T14:13:00.000+08:00

difficult decisions, difficult people, difficult expectations, difficult situations.

i call them plaques. cause they never seem to bug off.

it takes a whole lifetime to understand the way some people think. it takes another to understand the way they act. and then here i am saying i want to do psychology in my interviews. must be the first to laugh at myself.

yes i admit, i seem too busy for anyone. i admit i slave drive my life.

the worst thing about a woman's sixth sense is the fact that it is so unavoidably correct. underlying intentions. secret thoughts. dun think you can escape.

on a brighter note, my colleague treating me to ice cream! : ) simple joys of life. yes joy and not happiness.

random musings>>

silence. solitude.

how much of it can you have in a day?

i miss genuine laughter.

i miss the full moon.

2007-01-29T23:35:00.000+08:00

hi daddy

pull me through the night, tight in your arms

i need you by my side

ahma

2007-01-20T23:23:00.000+08:00

haha. yay the grey skies cleared up because i spent a long time ranting to god about everything that was bothering me. and wow. i really feel a lot better. he must be sick of my nagging :p

shopping might possibly be therapeutic too! thanks tohtoh : ) mans we combed e whole bugis street up and down. bought a top on a 50% sale in the colour i like!! wanted to get a lot of things from mu4 (wood) but it was so ex. tohtoh bought a very pretty grey skirt tt i really like. i should really start on new year shopping soon man.

talked to my grandma. many things have happened on indo side. maybe one day i should really find time to talk to all my relatives. now i can see my ah ma sees me as a woman not a girl : ) she shares things with me i know she never would have. and she invited me over to indo for pre new yr since my very kind doc gave us off days from 15th to 25th . so once my mum gives e green light (my dad is more like a zebra crossing, just heck he sure agree) i am off to tanjung batu on my own!

tt means. shopping cheap cheap. eat much much.

i cant wait!

2007-01-20T11:03:00.000+08:00

do you think loneliness is a character or a feeling?

is loneliness always there. just that people choose to run away from that sinking feeling. why do some people only see their friends

down. and down.

im walking into an inverted binoculars.

God bless me!

2007-01-02T22:37:00.000+08:00

God bless me!

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind"
2 Tim 1:7

tmrw grace is not working. i will have to do it. all alone.

fears:

never record control drug
give wrong medicine
write wrong dosage
cant finish invoices updating
too slow
irritate doctor
give wrong change

fAIth

overcomes all the above

grace is so zai. even though she cant recognise doc handwriting. she only needs to see the first letter to know what it is. i will miss her : ( she is one of the cutest mothers i have ever seen. shall take a pic with her and post next time!

she was so worried she called me and gave me 30 minute lecture just now to remind me everything to do. so much so she is like a mum to me at work. doesnt allow me to eat oni 2 siew mai for breakfast. when doc treats us to fruits n jelly she lets me have e jelly tho she likes it. teach me how to look for good husbands, like hers.

thank god for her. although she likes to laugh at me for e smallest thing : ( but thank god she is my colleague. the past 2 days of work was made so much more enjoyable

and thank god for my doctor too! he is very patient with me so far. : ) lets me drop in for all e interesting minor surgeries. even gives me a scarf tt he bought as a effort for charity. grace told me that the doc said he is willing to teach me all that he knows as much as possible. i was really touched when i heard that. he lent me so many things to read. i haven even finished one. gah.

tmrw determines if i will disappoint them both.

so give me the strength and wisdom for tmrw daddy god.

p.s grace said i will get my pay tmr! she say will most likely get 100 plus after minusing cpf. cool man! who gets their pay on 3rd day of work? :P

countdown

2007-01-02T10:47:00.000+08:00

countdown was a blast of fun!

went to bedok reservoir with tohtoh lenny n xixi .. that was my fave part of countdown- the countdown itself. xixi for some funny reason bought 72 party poppers. maybe he thought we could each pop one every hour. hahaa.. then aft e countdown we went to play e seesaw and e swing! but i sent tohtoh flying off e seesaw : ( time to lose weight. and xixi even better. when we were swinging, he threw a sparkler n it landed on tohtoh legs. and burnt a hole in her pants. great.

and then we decided to cycle to... esplanade!!! i think its the longest i had ever ridden on a bicycle. until my butt was swollen. on e way we took a break and stuffed ourselves with more supper. by the time we reached it was abt 5. and gosh. esplanade was filled with drunkards. one even jumped into the singapore river and shouted happy new year!! crazy crazy

followed the 67 route back. and we bought some soya bean milk back to my house. and everyone fell asleep soundly on the kitchen floor. haha so cute. and so we ended our official countdown 2007 falling aslp in the kitchen. yes the kitchen.

presenting to u a self composed new yr song!

we wish you a happy new year
we wish you a happy new year
we wish you a happy new year
and a sk2 butt

*boink boink~

happy new year to everyone out there! : )

marriage

2006-12-25T23:10:00.000+08:00

~stELLA~ *因为我有预感, 我这一辈子只会爱你一个人* take a shot * 非你莫属* says:hahaz.. statistics show dat 2 in 13 rg girls get married

from joanna. no daddy god. noooooooooo! make me one of the 2 :P

cell party

2006-12-24T01:00:00.000+08:00

CELL PARTY rocked e house. i shout n laugh until i had no voice at the end of the day.

i mean you have like serene singing joy to the world with 4 pieces of honeydew in her mouth
eric proposing with an apple
emerald dancing in front of the christmas tree with a plate of fried rice
zhihao screwing up taboo all e way
alice thinking that urine comes from the anus

hahaa. mans it tickles me to even think about everything. like heart attack, fooseball( aiya however u spell it) and especially taboo! gift exchange too!

but choc fondue rocks e most! thanks to tiff for bringing e funky funky choc fountain n teaching me e right way to eat fondue (eternally grateful for tt!)

n209 forever!

God thankew!

2006-12-21T20:25:00.000+08:00

no one should ever doubt that god can bless you abundantly. above all you can think or imagine.

just a few days ago i was feeling full of self pity for my strained ankle and blistered feet from walking to interviews in the puddled muddy lands. telling god that i was really tired of interviews and praying tt he could just throw me a decent job. that even if it wasnt one of a clinic asst just give me one w/ a decent pay and i will just take it.

but maybe he just cannot stand being limited by my thinking anymore. so he just has to remind me..

mrs koh from balmoral clinic just called to say i was offered the job. in my mind was just floating images of all e disappointed 50 yr old.. :p super excited. but sad at the same time cos i knew i wont accept the offer anymore. but when i finally found e courage to reject, she was really nice abt it and even told me to call her if i should be unhappy abt e new job! im really amazed at how nice she is. i know that i can learn alot from her. but perhaps, im really not meant for that job.

just pray that i have made e right decision by following my heart. (ok and the hearts of my precious consultants:P )

i guess to choose between an exposure to high class customer service and getting a chance to learn closely from a doctor, i choose the latter which is what i was into the job for in the first place. location wise, time wise too.

this whole process of job searching really taught me a lot. to be thick skinned. to be confident beyond your age. to know what you want. most importantly, like wad juan tells me. before you even complain, whisper to god first : )

going to my brother's reporting day tmr! i dunno why i feel more excited than he is! although im going there as a saigang warrior to squeeze with e aunties and q for textbooks (grr) reminds me of e days of psb. and working for popular as cashier for reporting day. heh really very sweet memories.

look at this. its really hard to imagine he is growing up to be a sec sch student. he just seems like a toddler to me all e time. hai. wo lao le!!!!!!

interviews

2006-12-21T14:38:00.000+08:00

woohoo. all bangkok photos are uploaded on http://celesteyap.shutterfly.com i apologise for the lack of captioning because... 200 + photos u try captioning la! grrr.

ok no i must learn to be a graceful patient 18 yr old *flashes toothy grin

went for 3 interviews. mans im zonked out. shall share about my precious experiences for those still sourcing for jobs!

interview #1:
recommended by pat at recruit express. who didnt tell me that it was oni for finance/commerce. was at "6 battery road". i stared at this restaurant called SIX restaurant for 15 min before realising that that was the building i was looking for. cos the building is called 6 battery road. hmm so advice 1: check out the building and address names and dun mix them up!

only lasted 5 min. bumped into hongli! then she ask me why i haven found when most girls in my class did :p oops. cos i am not wanted lor : ( haha oh yes and then the interview lasted for 5 min. kind of understated my weight in e form. heh. oh then guess wad work she asked me to do?
SHu uemera and loreal promoter!!! (yayyy flawless skin u see)

interview #2:
at balmoral clinic. lasted 1 hr. yes cos i had to chat with the doctors wife before the doc was free enough to talk to me. it was both a gp and aesthetic clinic. for all the hwachong s7s... guess wads e main ingredient in the gel that makes women's lips fuller?

it is hyaluronic acid ok! does that means my lips have granulosa cells? hmm.

the clinic had pple of all countries. japan france hongkong. cos its in rg area ma. anyway i talked alot alot to mrs koh and she was really very nice abt it. asked me alot abt my personality and all. then she said "hmm are u the quiet kind?" and i was like "ME?!" so to prove her wrong i started my ranting power. and we ended up discussing why siblings never stop fighting until they grow old. to my very huge disappointment, she had to mention there were applicants frm rj acj cj ...etc and pple of all ages up till 50 yrs old. great. hopes dashed.

p.s wait i gotta mention this to boost my ego:p e assistant at the aesthetic part (where u have ur botox and laser treatments) commented on my nice skin. aesthetic leh! amongst so much artificial beauty she say my skin nice!!

commercial break:
then recruit express asked me to take up customer service handling hi class vips. ... i thought it wasnt nice to spend all my pay on equivalent hi class clothes and make up. so...hmm.

interview#3:
this one. took more time to find e place at ubi (bet u all oso dunno where lor) than e interview itself :P the clinic is much quieter than e one at balmoral. but the doctor was super enthu. taught me wad to say for medical sch interview. gave me medical magazines to read up (for free k!) then let me read articles n talk abt how i feel abt today's impression of medicine and practitioners.

felt more like medicine interview. but he came across to me as someone who was very willing to teach me extra stuff cos his schedule was less packed . he even takes up acupuncture! cool eh?

hahaa after making more than 20 calls (yes i counted) and sending repeated resumes online. i finally found my job! heh. leave u guys to guess which one :P wil be starting work on 28th dec with a hc colleague! (whom i dunno) but its all rite. praise God im excited! woohoo

2006-12-18T00:58:00.000+08:00

finally back!

will update abt thailand soon. it was pure fun!!

meanwhile, here are the prom photos first ( i promise i will update abt thailand real soon!)
so nauseous frm all the uploading n captioning. so u guys better enjoy it. or else. grrrr.

http://celesteyap.shutterfly.com

2006-12-11T00:11:00.000+08:00

im leaving for bangkok tmr night! dun miss me too much! will be back by the 16th of dec... : )

just finished reading this supposedly bimbotic book. but turned out to be relatively. enriching i should say. here's some nice quotes from e book:

"dependence on the creator within is really freedom from all other dependencies. paradoxically, i isalso the only route to real intimaxy with other human beings. freed from our terrible fears of abandonment, we are able to live with more spontaneity. freed from our constant demand for more and more reassurance, our fellows are able to love us back without feeling so burdened"
julia cameron, the artists way

"until one is commited, there is hesitancy; the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: the moment one definitely commits oneself, providence moves too"
goethe

this shall be the quote of my holidays.

i think i found my fave genre. the kind that looks bimbotic. hehe.

anyway uploading prom photos is taking ages. i promise to continue after i come back im so sorry to keep those of you waiting, still waiting! :p

random things i did that make me happy this week:
1) go escape!
2) read a bimbo book. yes u noe but im still going to repeat it anyway. i love bimbo books.
3) engage in 3-4 hr long conv with old friends
4) starting on my prayer meeting with juan
5) found a tutoring job!
6) undertaking what i would say one of the most challenging tasks in my life (tks to lil)
7) went esplanade to take in night view!
8) visited new ikea (quite a disappointment actually)
9) fufill the first part of my building fund pledge!
10) successfully helped my bro out of maple story addiction
11) steamboat buffet ... sinful buffet

happiness in the big things and little things and the inbetweens. im grateful for every single day!

till i come back...bangkok/pattaya here i come!

2006-12-07T23:39:00.000+08:00

you are much stronger than you think you are.

2006-11-30T21:36:00.000+08:00

damn it. i just got to let it out of my system.

im darn sick of this.

prelim. sat 1. cambridge test. cambridge interview. as. stupid bio s. berk app. sat 2.

freaking crap. im tired.

(for those of you who think im just whining. after all i brought these all upon myself rite. thanks for e kind reminder but im just freaking tired tonite. so just let me be ok?)

2006-11-27T23:58:00.000+08:00

ITS OVER. ITS OVER.

im a happy girl. just that u cant see caps in my blog. or u would see the above in loud caps.

screaming at u! neh neh poo poo! my turn to have some fun

2006-11-24T20:27:00.000+08:00

you wont understand loneliness.

until you are left on msn. having a bunch of people congratulating you on the ending of the as. and going oops.

until you realise all the crowded ccs and libraries are silent the way you always wished them to be, but then again maybe not.

until you want to find those friends that used to mug with you. and realise not one is available because of post exam plans.

until the whole world has blogs and msn nicks proclaiming the end of it all.

thank god for lenny in my class. thank god for bio s kakis.

just u wait i will be coming.. soon.

2006-11-20T13:21:00.000+08:00

mans mans. i noe its been LOOOOOOOOOOONG time. a loong time.

and woosh. down to 3 papers left and just one wk to go. by this time next wk, i will be a free soul! (except for sats) and anyway bio s really is fun to study so i have no qualms abt tt..

haha come to think abt it. as has been the least stressful paper since all the block tests and prelims this year. not that its easy. but rather, smth in me tells me that if i just miss that one A in my report card, it wld be a good excuse to stop this mad paper chase since like p3. im tired. but theres only one way to go on this highway. up. culmination of 10 years. nah then again, i would think NO I CANT AFFORD this. and there, the stress level shoots up again once in a while.

im one mad girl this Alevels.

yep definitely. considering that within these 3 weeks, i went to marche to watch movie to eat crystal jade. hahah i think im quite funky. oops. well considering its my birthday its still kind of... hmm but heres a BIG THANKEW. to all who remembered. and just special tks to 7c for the bday song. cos in my whole life time i oni had 2 times when so many pple sang : P (cos cell grp not so big ma) my sec 4 class on the day of my geog and bio os. my j2 class on the day of my chem as. tts wad happens when ur bday falls on a super ulu sch holiday

whheeewheee

congrats to those who have ended! ( jealous stare)

2006-10-17T07:47:00.000+08:00

i love you 7c ... forever and ever i will...

2006-10-07T14:07:00.000+08:00

"Modern scientific reason quite simply has to accept the rational structure of matter and the correspondence between our spirit and the prevailing rational structures of nature as a given, on which its methodology has to be based. Yet the question why this has to be so is a real question, and one which has to be remanded by the natural sciences to other modes and planes of thought; to philosophy and theology."

2006-10-01T21:15:00.000+08:00

stop letting urself feel so fustrated cel.

daddy god. pls take all these off frm my hands.

went shopping with juannie today.. whheee. been waiting almost 2 months for a stress free sabbath. and its finally here. but by the time i wanna celebrate, everyone wants to go home to mug for As.. : (

boo when i say everyone. i mean everyone.

time for cel to wake up frm post prelim fun. *whines

2006-09-30T14:43:00.000+08:00

pls.

concern does not equate to pity.

2006-09-29T22:16:00.000+08:00

missing days of my prelim.

why does life has to be about this great exchange god.

why do people exchange pain for freedom. some independence for an identity. some resilience for comfort. some joy for endurance.

why must u create us to be so complex.

maybe as much as men have a hunger for love and acceptance. they have another for self pity and all sorts of the boo boos.

i hate reading those depressing books. see its their fault. i was all right aft the yummy pasta and sharkfin soup at pat's place. cell today was fun fun fun!

i give up. nth much to be happy abt. prelim grades are strangling so many out there. sickening monster.

let me seek solace in my fantasy world.

2006-09-28T22:37:00.000+08:00

lost my wallet n hp on tues.

love my daddy n mummy!! : ) too much to elaborate. really tired from gong marathon.

nites everyone!

*take care all j1s!
*take more care j2s. cos the impact of the results can kill more than e exams

pseudo post prelims

2006-09-23T11:22:00.000+08:00

finally packed my room after one day of toiling in dust, spiders, cockroach eggs (ok its an exaggeration i know)..

its super duper clean now!!!! whee~

oh well. today will be a tutoring brother day. mum wants me to bring him out to study. (ya just when i am almost thru with my own prelims) but its all right! cos he has to treat me to anything i want to eat when i go to the cc later : )

went to play badminton with my bro yest. aft tt decided to cycle round tampines estate where i spent my 18 years (almost almost) growing up in. cycled one round around my first primary school. kind of distant to recall school days in a non elitist env. its just dif. even at tt age, i knew it was different.

random snippets. me being in science club. ya. SCIENCE CLUB. eating my fave 70 cents chicken rice. running to the bookshop everyday to buy mysteriously enticingly wrapped up gifts (which are usually paperpoint notebooks) having to hold hands with the guy whos next to u in the queue. my. can u imagine if they made us do that in jc. oh ya most likely hwachongians will shrivel in disgust at crossing the girl-boy boundaries. as angrily criticised by sheila wee :p

i miss east view. the friends there whom i can no longer connect with. those that saw me sore through what they always wanted to accomplish, where they wanted to go (parent-parent talk you see) and then even when we meet today, seems like we have never lived in e same world.

what makes a person elitist

years of education in the top schools? or isit a belief that u are just smarter than e rest of the world out there?

honestly speaking i still dont know. though i think im getting less and less elitist. thank god.

tmrw marks e end of the series of marriage sermons. haha even tohtoh is dropping by out of curiosity. if i do get a husband next time (assuming tt i will not end up as an old hag), i will die die make sure he sit through this kind of marriage sermon with me. i used to think divorce was a graceful solution to a marriage problem. but now, i really am convinced that it is not even an option. the weight of the marriage vows. im sure all who have attended the classic church weddings in cathedral would have felt it. well at the very least, im going to sit down one day b4 my 18th birthday and set down all my criteria for a husband. :p its always good to start early.

meanwhile. anyone has e korean drama GONG? i cant wait alrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2006-09-17T16:45:00.000+08:00

hiding beneath the shelter of Your wings, my heart's safe

psa 91:5
you shall not be afraid of the terror by night
nor of the arrows that flies by day

wheee. as much as i wont really have a break since my prelims end next next mon and i have SAt. im still thankful for all e post prelims plans! non stop play for at least 4 days. praise the lord!

3 more core papers to go. hold my hand daddy

2006-09-15T16:06:00.000+08:00

hiatus sounds like a tempting word to me.

guess all u people could used to this mis frequency blogging style. like anyone even reads anymore.

oh well can i conclude today that jc sucks the very essence of your life out and leaves it raw. forced to run the rat race u have always been running since p4 at e most unimaginable speed ever. and if u do stop. dun u dare. u get run over and become a heap of a bloody mess.

damn e prelims.

return me my life.

okie on a happier note went to eat dimsum with wenxi tiff and dengsi. *xixi's singing ringing in e air. wanted to go sing at k but for no reason i started having hiccups. kinds of says smth. anyway we stuffed ourselves mad with spring rolls, CHICKEN IN PAPER (direct frm e menu), har gou, siew mai, chee cheong fun, seafood bing, lotus rice...

yay and back to last sat. was dinner at the pines! cdc high five youth grad dinner... like 2 nights before prelims but oh well. considering im an ex rg girl and nv step into pines before... it was kind of worthwile : ) had quite some fun. thanks to everyone in d act esp our project director (below proudly presenting certs) lil! u guys made it all possible and made e journey tt extra more fun : )

mermaid

2006-09-07T17:22:00.000+08:00

Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she's got everything

I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?No big deal
I want more

I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see, wanna see them dancin'
Walking around on those - what do you call 'em?
Oh - feet!
Flippin' your fins, you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumping, dancing
Strolling along down a - what's that word again?
Street

Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free - wish I could be
Part of that world

What would I give if I could live out of these waters?
What would I pay to spend a day warm on the sand?
Bet'cha on land they understand
That they don't reprimand their daughters
Bright young women sick of swimmin'
Ready to stand

I'm ready to know what the people know
Ask 'em my questions and get some answers
What's a fire and why does it - what's the word?
Burn?
When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love, love to explore that shore up above?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world

Wish I could be part of that world

2006-08-11T23:47:00.000+08:00

i cant believe i didnt praise him for one week. yea i prayed i read the bible. but i didnt thank daddy.

tts when u lose sight of ur blessings.

man cel u gotta guard guard guard.

ahh prelim stress is hitting me finally!

2006-07-30T21:57:00.000+08:00

so tell me

daddy why are they screaming

and why am i screaming

2006-07-17T20:53:00.000+08:00

take me to the place where the spirit of God is!

lastly, to you who never gave up : ) thanks so much

randomness. i cant wait for the 9pm show to start. love rui en to bits! : ) tadaa

healings

2006-07-16T22:18:00.000+08:00

todays healing service was great! healing services really stretch ur faith and pulls it to an uncomfortable level. but when the breakthrough comes, there is always upping of our spiritual level : ) i love healing services.

dunno if i shared my experience abt my healing before. feel like sharing it today : )

just a few months back, i injured my right hand my hitting my fist against the wall accidentally. so my knuckles were quite bruised. couldnt hold a pen properly for a week and clenching my fists always sent a sharp pain down my forearm.

then there was a healing service. pastor was calling out for those with like back injuries. growths on their necks. and all those major injuries. so much so tt i didnt even think of myself as someone who needed healing. then before he ended, he suddenly said tt he sensed that god wanted to heal someone with an injured hand. and i remember thinking " cool, wad a coincidence. someone is as stupid as me to get his/her writing hand injured"

so i was praying for everyone in general as usual. building up the atmosphere. when suddenly it dawned upon me tt the gift of healing for the hand was for me to claim. so i silently placed my left hand over my right hand and started praying and praying.

nothing really happened. not at that point actually.

but is what faith if things come instantly. decided to continue pressing on and true enough after abt 5 mins of whining to daddy god :P the pain was gone. the bruise faded off to this pale pale colour tt didnt even look like a bruise! i mean its like a physical appearance thing. not just e pain.

power on prayer. just like this.

its so hard not to fall in love with him over and over again. because smth like this happened in my midst again today.

holding onto a vision. and we have decided to run for it together like we did in sec 4. days of pandan bread eating :P but more fervent than ever.

hold me close
fill my life to overflow
holy spirit come and show me your way
wont you show me your way

all my life
only you can satisfy
let my faith ignite
consuming fire
you're the burning desire in my life

2006-07-14T00:10:00.000+08:00

if you could choose whether you wanted to be left alone on an island alone or to continue with this life you were leading wad would you choose?

dunno why i cant wait to dive into the first option. i wanna find my own sanctuary.

sometimes you wish that life could give you a rest and hand you a bed of roses for a change. but no. like job says. i cant understand. like whats so interesting about man tt god bothers to put us through all kinds of test.

and it sucks tt although occasionally u do have tt bed of roses. it gets trampled all over within seconds again by some bad streak . or maybe before you know it, you get pricked by thorns while happily trying to pluck one.

im already approaching 18. god teach me to understand all these.

2006-07-11T23:46:00.000+08:00

u can be so useless sometimes cel.

fifa

2006-07-09T17:46:00.000+08:00

rushing i and i now! need to leave house by 6 plus to head for class slpover at mich house to watch fifa world cup finals! i support ITALY ! GO GO GO!

yesterdays match was cool man. i like lahm. (not christiano ronaldo k) cant stand the way guys link the adoration of christiano ronaldo to senseless and ignorant eye candy liking for girls. oops although i was one of them. but hey i have more sense of wads going on now after some indepth discussion with sean and guang hao today. muahaha.

todays sermon was cheemology. :P but all in all i feel that God has been speaking to me about this.

what would i trade for my destiny in him?

yupianmifen

2006-07-05T22:44:00.000+08:00

you know that feeling you get sometimes, when someone talks to you about something that he or she feels for but you don't. and you just aint interested. but when its your turn, you rattle on and on thinking everyone else is interested. mans this is bad. i could have this syndrome.

another fun day out with the screws again. to chinasquare for yupianmifen and milo dinosaur. somehow i still prefer yupianmifen with milky soup. whee.

somehow people seem to be closer to their secondary school friends. or maybe for those special cases who did not promote with the rest of their batch to their classic school. at least thats what i hear from those around me. isit because as people grow old, they become less open to share their lives? or isit because only people who understand us when we were young innocent and pure minded know the real us within?

shopping

2006-07-04T21:45:00.000+08:00

pure fun again!

shopping trip with tohtoh. then awyong n mel abandoned their frens to join us! so the 4 rg gals decided to make a comeback to our territory -ORCHARD ROAD. muahahah. as we shop to the left as we shop to the right as we shop as we shop as we shop all night!

went mango zara espirit topshop daniel yam level one taka ... wah. retail therapy rocks. sad tt i only bought a hair tie though. but nvm, i will earn earn earn and lose lose lose (wt:P) so tt retail therapy geng shang yi ceng lou!

yipay! messaged the tuition agency today, but they dao me : ( why why why? and im so irritated with SAT! or rather collegeboard.com. cant check SAT results even until now. im sooooooo. urghhhh. the whole world noes except me! ok enough of whining. shall go jam with maxy and wenxi and stay up (FOR ONCE) to watch tonights match with daddy...

u noe smth, today exists and always will. but as u take in another breathe, the present becomes past. and the past ceases and fades. its taking in another deep breath and living in this present tt will be your next challenge. i love you dear. you gotta jia you. dun give up.

give me strength to cross this water
keep my feet dont let me falter
rain down

part 2

2006-07-01T21:19:00.000+08:00

okie just to prove that a writer's creativity comes in spurts. heres part 2 to pure fun!

post blocks fun! went out with wenxi lenny dengsi and tohtoh on thurs after the zapping physics. wanted to watch movie at cathay but turned out all were sold out! so we went to eat earthquake at swensens and went shopping instead! had super loadsa lame funny stuff (pls refer to wenxi e beeg joke for any further enquiries) and heres our funky neoprint:

then fri was class outing to ubin! no pics with me now so unfortunately cant show u guys more chio pics of me :P heh do refer to 7c class blog! and i have an apology to make to joelyn still! still feel bad for causing ur un glam fall becos of a frog and stupid yc's tree shaking feat. muahaha. super funny tho. then we went shopping at tm for ms lims wedding gift. thanks to joelyn's idea we got this super pretty jigsaw puzzle! of mickey n minnie and all the disney couples... aww

and finally today was ms lim's and mr chan's wedding! quite a lot of 7c people turned up : ) me and michelle were very proud of the attendance of the girls : ) the wedding was adorned in sweet purple. and heres my best wishes to ms lim! may the rest of your days be filled with nothing but more love blessing and harmony : )

2006-07-01T20:20:00.000+08:00

been so busy the whole of june hols. after the much fun filled first 2 weeks, everything was about piaing for the BEEG BLOCKS. so here i am to give a little insight of what happened during my most wonderful hols : )

there was emerge conference, class chalet and clique camp! all totally rocked! but for today shall update abt clique camp in tribune to my darling "screwed up six" mel buchu mich lapui and xinqiN! (ma tong!) was just looking at the cd mich tan burnt... sweet memories here we come!

being the funky people we are, we had our camp in changi (le meridien) hotel. u know not those stinky squeezy chalets. heh. though we were low value products minded people, we strive for high class excellence in leisure and rest :P

ahhh a 4 class hotel indeed. first thing we did (like any other pigs) hop in and enjoy some beauty sleep...

4 beauties in the swimming pool. rooftop swimming pool! xinqin picked up all e pretty flowers from e bottom of e tree by the poolside!

told you it was a rooftop swimming pool. tilt your head to the left to enjoy the scenery!

wnet cycling at ubin and the entire day it was just drizzling/raining/pouring. so we all looked like little duckies the entire day in out $1.50 ponchos. gah. but i was glad i didnt have to share a double bike with mel anymore! yipay! :P

us on the boat ride back. cant believe mich actually looks angelic in this pic. see the effect of her bright halo in the pic?

endorsement queens! though i admit i look more like an idiotic queen in the pic. anyone wanna look for models to advertise lays/bonjour/milo powder?

did i mention? we are looking through the big window in our toilet! so freaky. no sense of security even when we closed the curtains while bathing. acc to lapui can still see through the holes!

day 3! home sweet home : ) apparently mel (albeit looking like a countryfolk auntie or illegal immigrant) looks like she cant bear to leave us.

but the opposite cant be said for the rest of us! :P

all in all it was pure great fun! the childish way we have been since sec 1! love all u gals INCLUDING buchu who sadly could not join us. know that we love u all the same. special thanks to mich for making tt sweet video presentation with captions n music. we all cant believe u have such a talent.

i love you all always : ) *hugs*

hurt

2006-06-24T23:18:00.000+08:00

reading my emails for the past 1 year... i have no idea why i have this thing for reminiscence these few days. maybe i just dun wanna end up like mary turner. not reflecting on my life and driving myself to insanity (though acc to my lit tcher, all rg girls eventually turn out tt way)

coming to an end after these 2 weeks of race : ) am i glad... thanks to all who msged n studied with me n kept me going all the while! now i will face e blocks monster with faith in HIM and myself : )

what constitutes hurt? can hurt be born if there were no hopes? is there only space for hurt if u allow space for hope? or is hurt like a cancer cell that defies the psychological density dependent inhibition tt u exert on it. tt it manifests on and on. when u try to use chemo to zap it, u zap ur own living body cells to death. isit avoidable? or isit genetic? maybe u are more susceptible to it because of a family background.

what constitutes escapism? isit a show of the lack of bravery. or does it take more bravery for a person to face up to his or her own inability to handle it, and to back away gracefully without a fight?

P.S: would like to give tuition to kids : ) if anyone has any lobang do let me know!

BT PREP

2006-06-22T22:27:00.000+08:00

wake up every morning by 8 and sleep at 2am every morning again.

desperately trying to finish studying. but the more desperately i try, the more desperate i end up.

seriously. whats up with block tests straight after holidays. why cant we have it the way we did in primary school. when holiday meant waking up late and going to indonesia and playing with the kampong kids.

im in a whiny mood. maybe a bit angsty.

something in me always hints at breaking free of all this studying. u know like going to the exam hall and tearing up the paper and walking away. then everyone will be like "woah damn cool" but hey no i still end up scribbling away every sec and mugging all the way into the exam hall.

yea yea i admit im a mugger. but whos not going to end up 1 out of this jc system. then maybe u are kind of in the wrong place?

eat study eat study eat study sleep
eat study test test eat study sleep

oh pls.

diary

2006-06-16T22:22:00.000+08:00

was just reading my diary in sec 3 and 4.

those were innocent and happy times : )

now im living in a messier one. but nonetheless the Power that was with me then is still always by my side.

it used to be the cry of my heart to know you. to lay down my dreams for you.

then came the struggles of life that ripped us apart.

but i love you still. and i really do.

my on high. almighty. one and only.

2006-05-07T20:53:00.000+08:00

just when you think the worst week is over, u realised u haven got enough of it yet.

carried over sickness didnt get better. coughing just worsens. after that, the computer breaks down because something inside the cpu fused. and then my mp3 breaksdown. and because of my sickness, i didnt run 2.4 km, only to realise that there isnt any make up session next week because of sports day. decided to practise by running just 2 rounds and as just as im less than 200 m frm the end point. i slip and fall and end up injured. nearly lost my wallet and handphone yesterday and when i removed my earrings today, realised my ear holes were infected.

haha. come to think about it i feel like a joke.

but this is not an entry to have a pity party (ok i admit im kind of wallowing in my pain n misery) just wanna thank all those who helped me and "pacified" me on friday in school. i had no idea tt my tolerance for pain was so little : (

thanks to the first aiders, jx jingsheng lenny dengsi and leong. haha i feel like a joke breaking down into tears n screams in front of u guys. but all e same, thanks for bearing with me and dressing the bloody abrasions : ) and to 7c pple who offered help in every small way they could. then to the 2nd batch of first aiders who attended to me, lil and tohtoh :p thanks again for bearing with my pinching and wailing. (im starting to feel like an embarrassment) and my guitar exco peeps who willingly helped me carry stuff, open my water bottle and all kinds of menial tasks. and for zc lil and tohtoh at night, for staying behind just to make sure that i got on to a taxi safely. and to jx finally, for the final trip to the hospital when we suspected complications for my left arm. and to all who msged me that night... sorry tt i couldnt reply all of u. cos my left arm was in a sling and my right hand was bandaged up. was quite a sight tt night :P

im much better now. though bathing is another story altogether. my parents turn up the volume of the tv so they cant hear my squealing. but i thank god there were no fractures n dislocations : ) and for the kind doc who gave me 1 wk mc. woohoo.

thank you everyonee! : )

hectic wk~

2006-04-30T21:09:00.000+08:00

this week has been the most hectic week of the year!! but truly been the most fufilling and fun filled one too! major events that took place:

BONE MARROW DONOR PROGRAMME DRIVE

donor drive successfully concluded on the 26th april. and fundraising on the 27th. as of now, we have raised a total of $1100 and added a significant 300++ donors to the donor registry. as all the balloons were burst, the orange laces removed from our shoes, the bone signs taken down, the banners were taken down and the orange ribbons were untied, we all know the legacy does not stop here. for every dollar raised and every donor added, it really could be a life-saving contribution made. just the thought of this kept me going through all that lethargy and disillusionment when the going got tough.

special thanks to the rj organising committee for including us in their meaningful work, for always giving us so many suggestions and lending us all the help they could with the logistics. to the bmdp people for aiding us in the success of the drive. most importantly, the ex-rafflesian organising committee - leong jx, koh jx, toh yanling, tay yanling, zc, mel and awyong for all the contributions u guys made and for sticking together through it all! we believed and so it happened : ) and next up would be all our super enthu volunteers who never failed to amaze me with the sales record of the charms. i know you guys saw it more than cip hours and really put in your all! thank you so much! last but not least, to everyone who came down to the reading room tt day, as well as those who bought a bear a charm or a card from us. you have made the difference.

RESONANCE

succesfully concluded on the 28th Apr friday night at the hwa chong auditorium. indeed, the applause means the world to the performer on the stage. as much as my left hand was almost semi paralysed all the hard work was worth it for just one minute of applause from the audience. : ) special thanks to the exco! all our planning and work bore beautiful fruits that night... every single piece we played that night will resonate in my heart always .... and to all j2s and j1s for practising so hard. and of course, our audience!! esp those who cheered me on, you dunno how much that meant to me when i was on the stage, nervous and afraid. and the TIP pple sean and zihao for coming down all e way! i was seriously pleasantly surprised ... and for the flowers, the cushions, the folded stars, the bouquet of roses, the bottle of sparkling juice and the many smses u guys sent before and after the performance. never felt this loved before : ) (not in a long time.. ahah)

7C CIP PROJECT

successfully concluded on 29th Apr just yesterday at the thye hwa kwan home for disabled adults . it was so fufilling bringing a smile to the face of the residents. letting them enjoy the sunshine... thanks to yidan for everything. and i MEAN everything. the way you handle everything meticulously really inspires me. no wonder you are ms professional :P and to maxy my anpan super man. theres really little that u cant do with the kind of determination and perserverence u have. to the organising com, 7c and all volunteers who came down. wad a success it was! : ) and to mr gow and ms tang for specially making the trip down. and even sharing stuff tt i never knew abt my teachers! haha.. all in all. it was pure fun in the sun. we made a difference. tts all tt counts at the end of the day.

and today was great too! sermon totally fired me up again. : ) i know and i know that i have to guard this little fire of mine and im gonna let it shine : ) praise God! without Him this week wouldnt have been possible at all, with all the homework, s paper work, being diagnosed with mild bronchitis and other problems tt i have been struggling with. all glory to him : )

and not forgetting juannie and the giggly photoshopping trip we had! rock on sister : ) fancy splurging 50 plus bucks at robinsons. we are on our way to becoming "shopping like we can afford everything" tai tais. muahaha. and jia you for the upcoming cleavage competition!

break

2006-04-21T13:37:00.000+08:00

since the world never ever stops spinning, its good to take a rare break like this at times. thanks to a headache and a sore throat. : )

was blog surfing and i chanced upon a blog that belonged to a girl named celeste too! her birthday is just one day after mine.. though she lives halfway across the world. a christian, a girl who loves stars too. cool isnt it. heres a poem penned by her...

Don't
don't pretend. you think you know all about it and, though i try to ignore your restrained laughter, it's clear you wish my end.
don't lie. i can tell just by looking in your eyes that you hate who i am on the interior, so don't even try.
don't smile. it's obvious i'm on trial and despite my innocence, i'm stuck here for a while.

and heres more on my name. kopped from her blog too... :P

» From TheNameSite.com:
Name Origin: Latin Number of Syllables: 2.00 Gender: Female
More interesting facts about the name Celeste:
Lucky Number: 6 Ruling Planet: Venus Element: Earth Primary Color: Indigo Traits: Gentle and refined; pleasant and sociable. Usually good looking. Natural peacemaker; able to soothe ruffled feelings. Often experiences difficulties in financial fields. Excellent as a host or hostess. Friendly and agreeable. » From Kabalarians.com:
Your name of Celeste gives you a clever mind, good business judgment, a sense of responsibility, and an appreciation of the finer things of life. You are serious-minded and not inclined to make light of things even in little ways, and in your younger years you had more mature interests than others your age. Home and family mean a great deal to you and it is natural that you should desire the security of a peaceful, settled home environment where you can enjoy the companionship of family and friends. Whatever you set out to accomplish you do your very best to complete in accordance with what you consider to be right. In the home you assume your responsibilities capably, having the self-confidence to form your own opinions and make your own decisions. Others can rely on you; once you have given your word you will do your utmost to fulfill a responsibility. However, there is a tendency to be a little too independent in your thinking and it is difficult for you to accept the help of others when you should. Due to your strong sense of responsibility, you could experience worry and mental turmoil through assuming more responsibility than you should. Friction could arise through others feeling that you were interfering with their rights and privileges, even though you are only trying to help.

tahan challenge

2006-04-16T08:16:00.000+08:00

special thanks to dengsi, maxy and lenny for yesterday's tahan challenge! we came in 2nd after the cross country team! yippeeee.

im really proud of everyone for having survived everything together. esp the 40 storey building : ) lets wait to enjoy our movie passes!

happy easter to everyone... : ) today is a day of victory. if Christ can break the bondage of death on the exact same day 2006 years ago, he can break any curse of defeat failure or depression in your life...

bringing my bro to service later. hope he enjoys it.

this easter. what decisions will you make?

2006-04-11T17:03:00.000+08:00

i have a fear of creating beautiful memories.

because the hole of their passing by and not returning

hurts more than if they never existed.

406

2006-04-08T12:10:00.000+08:00

i miss 406.

been wanting to blog about this a long long time ago.

i miss watching happy tree friends together during recess. singing along to the tune of Holland V theme song. playing with monkeys with Mrs Newby. sneaking all kinds of food to the classroom. and our christian fellowship.

i miss all of you very badly.

i have lost something in you that i cant find anymore... but i promised myself. i will stop looking back all the time. because it isnt going to get me anywhere.

this month is so hectic. gah.

daddy gave me 50 buck robinson voucher. wheepee! (dunno wads tt) juan dun think of kopping. i will bite your hand. haha... i bluffed my brother and said robinson only sold lingerie so he wouldnt think of kopping it :P evil sister at work. who asked him to deprive me of the chance to watch da chang jin on our new lcd. now i get stuck online typing boliao blog entries.

still haven thought of any games for cell! ahhh brainstorming time.......

job

2006-04-06T21:21:00.000+08:00

i love reading the book of Job.

his complains sound exactly like my whinings to God every single day. and as much as even i feel irritated when i read about his helplessness, God never fails to answer him in the same loving way.

like what max says, god is in control. no matter what, he will bring you through what he brought you to.

to rekindle first love. to recommit your life.

life this month has been hectic. thanks to people who have been there. i am sure you know who you are. : )

think it really takes a lot of courage to run for council. one of the reasons why i didnt want to join council (though minor one) was the fear of failure. i couldnt imagine how i could live the rest of my jc life being seen as a council failed nominee. my heart goes out to all nominees whose dreams and passions were dashed yesterday. i admire you for your courage and daringness to run the race. at least you tried.

this is the month to run and have fun. everyone is going to be distilled to mere mugging soon. awww. (how fun)

tears

2006-03-28T21:12:00.000+08:00

trust me in this my dear.

when the tears run dry

the hurt will be gone too...

nothing

2006-02-25T21:14:00.000+08:00

sometimes celeste, maybe you should notice if people are interested in listening before you rattle on.

that was just a reminder for myself. on to other stuff:

people say its time to think about the future. the degrees to pursue and the scholarships to apply for. personally, i find that really scary. there is always this issue about whether your passion for a certain area will last. then theres this stigma about wasting your education if u pursue less prestigious degrees.

i admit im scared.

am i just doing what everyone else thinks i should be doing? how bout God? juan always says that everytime i ask god for direction, i already have a choice in mine. no wonder i hear no answers.

what is stopping me from running the race?

2006-01-31T00:14:00.000+08:00

im tired of being who you want me to be

doing the things you think i should do

if there was a route to escape from reality, it seems the only way out

but because there is none there is no way out.

cny

2006-01-27T22:16:00.000+08:00

heyheys. happy chinese new year to all!

i think ive had enuff of apologising for my late entries. after all, the blog is mine. i dun feel obliged.

heh sorry if tt sounded angsty. actually im considering to make this blog private. most prolly will be pass word protected with the password given to some (mostly those who tag). at least i noe they read. smtimes the idea tt unknown eyes are scanning through ur blog puts u off blogging itself. who wants to put up a facet even when they are at home blogging ? ( no offence to those who still keep their blogs public though)

geisha was great. taught me alot about courage. wahh zhang zi yi is soooo chio. and so is michelle yeoh. oriental beauties are the real beauties.

hai why why why must my relatives go overseas this yr!?!?! no indonesia=no firecrackers=no home visits=no ang pows=no cny= plenty of time to mug (eew, the last part was quoted frm my dear mum) talking about mugging, i think i have kind of evolved into a mugger. last wk marked my first visit to the library's biology section to BORROW BKS OUT OF THE LIBRARY. helpp me. im on a path of no return. catch my soul if you can find it and return to meeee (echo dies off)

actually maybe i should still keep this blog public. after all it has 2 yrs of history alr. and smtimes when im happy i wanna share the joy with as many as possible!

oops i sidetracked.

IMCB was kind of fun. not the research part but rather, the making friends part. muahaha. after seeing some of the rg juniors, i really identified smth even stronger shared among most rg girls. but oh well, do i miss tt spirit. but i love hc spirit loads too! pple out there reading this. the best form of education possible is really to immerse urself in dif kinds of sch culture. frm rss to rgs then to hc. cheena english then cheena. cool. u learn alot abt urself beyond tt facet of school spirit.

someone answer this qn. why are guys so superficial. hai.

argh one day i will be more coherent in blogging. till then pls applaude. this is quite a long entry!

but i love You more

2006-01-08T17:22:00.000+08:00

im imperfect. but i serve a perfect God.

wad if i still love you

2006-01-07T12:05:00.000+08:00

"my og is like a bouldering wall. many faces. one big stone"
-quote from a rj ogl.

and that comes from a super enthusiastic rj councillor. wow.

i really hate the idea of ip. not just because i have like nil rg juniors (ok if u count 10 of them frm the humans prog) but rather, the entire school just seems dead. to many people, its a mere crossing of a road to start a new school year. whatever happened to all the excitement of meeting new people and making new friends? drowned in a sea of brown and white maybe.

tell me j2 is still going to be a great year.

not when hwachong dumps u with 2 review tests on the second day of school. now i feel like a term is almost over.

im always in a rambling mood on saturdays.

thats why my paragraphs are so chopped up. irritating.

someone said that we have all grown old enough. too old for autographs and friends forever promises that dwindles to an occasional hi through sms or msn. and when everyone around you has grown up too cynical to believe in these anymore. i suddenly realise that i really really really dun wanna grow up. wanna stay in school forever. have fun in class outings. crap in school together with friends. as much as it sucks, if only j2 will continue on forever.

i have gotten too used to school uniforms.

2005

2005-12-31T14:20:00.000+08:00

2005.

family wise. im still waiting for that breakthrough. but i have suddenly found a secret bridge to mum. and talk to her in a way i never did when i was young. expect life's lessons to be pouring in soon. its a mum-daughter thing people wont understand.

school work wise. i can say tt i have scraped past my jc year. didnt put in my all into studies, not that i regret it much. being thrown into a stressful environment taught me much. the competition is now me and me alone.

friends wise. i have gained more than what i lost. especially towards the end of the year when God starts leading you to people you thought would never have touched your life the way they did. be it in singapore or taiwan. and for the friends i kept by my side all along. love all of you in such a special way.

weight loss wise. this is a failure i would choose not to talk abt. oh wells, next yr will be a better year.

self improvement wise. i would prefer to call it self discovery. through tip, tag and then working in goodwood and joining usher ministry. celeste is not exactly the celeste she thought she was all along.

spritual affairs wise. sometimes i wonder whether God will grow tired of this roller coaster ride. im sorry for disappointing you, even when i know you are right there by my side.

most importantly. this is the year i matured the most. or rather was forced to mature.

i learnt not to be naive. not to be so believing. not to trust as easily anymore.

then to pick myself from hurt.

then to learn to trust again.

they say that one day when you become cynical and critical. you have really grown up. maybe im propelling myself into that direction. but ironically, it feels childish to have to define growing up tt way.

i have so much to tell myself. today should be the best day.

new yrs eve

2005-12-31T11:12:00.000+08:00

today is the last day of 2005.

first for tip

its been exactly a week since i left taiwan. some how the lingering sadness is still here. from the point where we cried our hearts out at the airport, till today. perhaps it will always be here. missing you guys so much. we cant deny the possibility that our paths may never cross in the future. but neither have they ever really parted since last saturday. because a part of tip is always in each of us.

special thanks to lc and mich. for the support they have lent since the taiwanese came. through times when i was on the verge of breaking down. and then when we were all at taiwan. am i glad we still have 1 yr of 7c to go together. : )

and of cos all the hc and datong singaporeans cum taiwanese. will remember every single one of you for a long time to come. thanks for creating beautiful memories with me.

lastly, to joyce. i dont think you can read this. you taught me something very special. keep the angel by your side becos i will keep her by mine too : )

now for 2005 debrief. but need to go and complete integration first. haha! will be back!

post tip

2005-12-26T13:37:00.000+08:00

people say that a picture speaks a thousand words.

for now i will let 200 plus picts do the job for me first.

i fell in love with everyone in tip. thanks for everything...

tip photos

P.S. theres still part 2 of the album... too many pics. hehe

not much

2005-12-17T20:25:00.000+08:00

heh apologise sincerly. rarely have time to come online. so im unable to update much.

next mon on, we no longer need to go to school! will be touring around taiwan!

see you guys one wk from now : ) dearly missed.

2005-12-08T20:28:00.000+08:00

at my host family's now : ) yay. lucky me gets to use the computer while joyce's twin brothers have to do their school work. was trying to get the sd into my usb reader for almost half an hour. then her dad came and glanced and said "wrong way round girl". ooh. so paiseh :p but anyway you guys get to see the pics so dun complain. heh.

first day

thanks to jx and tohtoh for coming all the way down to the airport.. and all the bon voyage messages frm many of you : ) trust tt you will be greatly missed! the hwachong family before departing

us on the coach from the airport. that is super cool! it has complete karaoke facilities on the bus with mikes, song book, pens and paper to dian3 ge2. so that night on the way to our welcome dinner, hc and vj and half of nj sang our hearts out.

joyce and me! she cried when we arrived. aww. long awaited day... : (

second day hc-datong people. in our winter sch u! at macs. heh. they got to pon their first lesson and their teacher ic gave a treat!

me and mich in front of the famous 101 building. were freezing to death so we transformed our scarves into saudi arabian styles. :P creative eh. ( sorry dunno how to rotate. comp instructions in fan ti chinese)

jiu2 yang3 de4 bian4 dang1 ! it has beef, chicken, fish, cabbage, long beans, beancurd, xiao bai cai. oh man.

tts our 3 warrior heros after our round of paintball. lc ended up with quite a few bruises. kennie and mich had won themselves a swollen finger each. heh. me? as usual la! hide behind the tank anyhow shoot.

tts all folks. will try to update asap : ) its time for supper! if u need to contact me, just email me at bubblyblues@hotmail.com

taiwan bound.

2005-12-06T18:47:00.000+08:00

bye people, will be leaving for taiwan tmrw for immersion. back on christmas eve : )

take kare. will blog if possible...

clarify

2005-12-01T05:07:00.000+08:00

i just had to wake up to clarify this.

the prev entry was in no way a plead for anyone to do anything for me.

in fact tts why i didnt mention what it was.

i cant sleep. since like 4.40am. the morning is freezing me to death. hai.

2005-11-30T22:37:00.000+08:00

ever seen something that you really really love but you cannot afford.

never knew it could make me so depressed.

perhaps its knowing that you can really do something to earn for it.

but its all too late.

the last time this happened. i dreamt about the same thing for 3 consecutive nights. and my dear friends actually bought it for me : ) but now i wont be so lucky.

gah.

xin fan.

2005-11-25T20:10:00.000+08:00

back from indonesia on wed.

spent the entire day after guitar on my jigsaw. there's an ache somewhere in my head now. at least i know which part of my brain is responsible for jigsaw fixing skills.

many random thoughts or rather worrying questions running through my mind.

i miss my brother. he always fills up my days at home with laughter. now the home echoes of the tv and nothing else.

then there is forever the dumb issue of procrastination. irritating.

clique outing

2005-11-20T21:26:00.000+08:00

had a wonderful sek 2 clique gathering (short of mel though)

i miss our crazy days. miss everyone of you. but somehow, a part of us never ever dies. : )

the ability to laugh at ourselves, to ridicule each other, to embarass ourselves. muahaha.

anyway, cel will be leaving for indonesia tmr. aww. dun miss me cos i will be back by thurs!! yayy.

belated bday

2005-11-19T12:27:00.000+08:00

ookay. i know this is like late for 2 days. have been very busy with TAG at SGH (maybe i will talk more abt tt another day :p) anyway todays post is dedicated to all who remembered tt insignificant 17th of november on thurs and made me feel so loved : )

haha here goes in no particular order:

thanks to lil and len. for coming all the way down to my house and surprising me really pleasantly. and horrendously (because of how screwed up i look in the morning). for that choc fudge cake. half covered with wax. and that whole myriad of presents. muahaha. and for escorting me all the way to outram on a dreary rainy morning.

thanks to alice, mich and tohtoh for chipping in for my presents. i am still hugging that jigsaw every single day i come home from sgh. and right now. love u dears : )

thanks to all the TAG peeps for that bday song in medical student centre! i hope tt in a few yrs time, i will be celebrating my bday there. as a medical student. :p

thanks to my yrmates (limin, amy, xiuwen and awyong) my clique mates (mel,mich,lapui,buchu and xq) my classmates (maxy, lc, dengsi, zc,mich,yeehweee) my cell mates (sean, juannie, alice) my ex-psl convention grp (sheldon, kp) my hmi all the way from china (miaozheng) my tp gang (tohtoh, leong) my sek 4 classmates (celine, ernee). thanks for tt sms/call/virutal bday greeting. itmeans alot to me and im really grateful to god for bringing every single one of u into my life at one point or another.

thanks to maxy, lil, len and wenxi for the bday song. the chao out of tune one in fact. heh.

thanks to my kor for the canto version. heh. and the last moments. u noe wad im talking abt.

thanks to my family. my mum who called me in the midst of her night shift just to wish me happy bday. my dad for the otahs i was craving for. for waiting until 12 to celebrate my bday and cut my bday cake. my darlink bro. for that make-no-sense monster birthday card and the cupid's arrow and bow. (dun ask me why he gave me tt) my auntie for tt angpao!

thanks to a special person. for a very special night. for the amount of effort you put in. for the memories. and the very beautiful night. for every single part of that 11-part surprise.

lastly, thanks to my heavenly daddy. who has never failed to watch me grow and guide me through for the past 17 yrs. and through the rest of eternity. till no end.

im so blessed. and i am a very very happy 17 yr old. : ) : ) : )

2005-11-16T21:36:00.000+08:00

can u see my tears tonight.
if only u could.

when she wakes up from that delusional world of happiness. when she realises that no one cares. when she finally finds herself alone in the dark. the tears will hit her. vehemently.

boredom x.

2005-11-12T20:57:00.000+08:00

hehs sorry to all for my incessant whining tt i was bored today.

actually i spent quite a fun day with my brother. : ) dumb things we did include:

roasting marshmallows using toothpicks over a candle flame
burning marshmallows and comparing whose flame bigger (okie i noe tts wasteful)
dueling in puzzle fighter (got trashed)
watching hotelier
watching thrashy ch8 zong yi jie mus
monopoly (got trashed again)
hula hooping
trying out some circus acts with the hula hoop
chatting on msn across our rooms
playing tic tac toe and bejewelled on msn (trashed him!!)

hahaa. i dun say it often. but i really love my bro : ) *hugs

2005-11-12T11:54:00.000+08:00

im so boredd. helppp.

evil

2005-11-12T08:57:00.000+08:00

if you are uncomfortable about any talk of spirits or worse, evil ones. please DO NOT read on.

just had a very very vivid nightmare. its so vivid, i can remember everyone in it. what they were wearing and all other explicit details. if something makes me get out of my bed at 8 plus just to blog. i think it says smth.

from what i remember, the dream started with this huge carnival held in someone's landed property. i was with liling and lenny and we were actually out on the field where the carnival was starting. then a group of kids not more than 6 years old started marching out in fanciful costumes. but just as the march was ending, something unknown (looked like black stars) fell on some of the kids at the back and they passed out. so the entire pandemonium started and everyone was running around. then there were random screams everywhere. so the 3 of us were separated and i was running in search of my family frantically.

so at first look, it seemed like it was a terrorist attack. because obviously there were a group of unidentified people who came in and started terrorising the crowd and preventing them from running away. but it wasnt that simple.

the nightmare turned into its worst when i ran into the big house where my family was. (there are a lot of pple in my dream) the mothers were mourning for the death of their children hit during the march and there were like 6/7 of them placed next to each other like corpses. but then what happened was that the kids begun to sit up and their eyeballs were like upturned. so they took turns to sit and lie down. really freaky. so that was hint no. 1 that it didnt seem to be terrorism at work.

when i finally found my mum and my brother (thank God they were safe) they didnt seem to noe wad was going on outside. so i just grabbed them by the hands and ordered them to run out of the house with me. everything in the house was still normal. i remember seeing alice practising her dance with some pple i dunno.

so our first attempt to run out was eerily successful. we got out with the help of a neighbouring resident who guided us to run towards the main road. that was when i met up with liling and hongpei. so all of us began to run towards the nearest police post to make a report. then hint #2 that it was not terrorism at work came. i started to receive alot of contacts in my fone frm an unknown person. the first contact was actually an n09'er whom i didnt really noe well. so i accepted the contact and a very eerie face of a pale girl was attached to tt contact. at tt moment i grabbed liling's hand in fear but tt face was all i could see. as in i could feel liling's hand but i couldnt see her at all. no matter how hard i tried it was just tt same face again and again.

the girl just kept laughing and laughing. and it suddenly dawned upon me that it could be the work of evil spirits. when i tried to cast out the spirit, all it did was to laugh louder and louder in my face. then finally alice and some cell pple came and together, we managed to cast out the spirits. (details are starting to blur out)

i dunno. maybe smth is to be learnt from this dream. that perhaps you dun have all the time in the world to lose. that you are needed in the kingdom to be an effective christian. that spiritual warfare is very real and existent in the lives of every child of god. that the more u press on for the things of god, the more vicious the war u have to fight.

so be prepared.

sad

2005-11-09T22:26:00.000+08:00

isnt rain such a sorrowful melancholy? it always manage to strike the deepest and darkest chords in my heart. especially rainy nights.

the last time i remembered such a night. was when i was trodding home in the rain after a day of numbing mugging at the cc study room. and the tears wouldnt stop. maybe it was the radio broadcast. maybe the memories. or maybe just that incessant pitter pattering of teardrops from heaven.

then there was the other night. when i was alone in my room. i really thought god was crying with me. that perhaps he was really hurting when i hurt. crying when i cried.

i hate rain. but i love it so much.

maybe it has something to do with hurt. as much as we hate it. we hold on to it.

2005-11-06T21:42:00.000+08:00

ahh our cell saw julian hee at jp today. and we concluded 1) he puts make up and 2) he looks better on tv. muahaha.

went jogging at bedok reservoir later on in tht evening. cant believe i can be so motivated. was napping on the couch and feelin so tired from waking up at 5plus then i suddenly snapped awoke upon the ringing of the alarm and managed to drag myself all the way to the reservoir to jog 3 k! : ) so proud of u cel!

hai but it was quite a disappointment. the tranquility expected was totaly disrupted by the ongoing water skiing and kayaking. some swakoos who haven kayaked b4 i guess. cos they cant stop squealing and screaming. then there was another ongoing event for clean and green week. and all the parents and kids were like icons forcefully added into the landscape. the entire place was just so artificial. hai. and the sad thing is that, theres another event going on there next sun as well.

yayy i think i caught on smth during service today. now im excited at almost everything. if only i can catch the fire and hold onto it. then everything will be fine. then i can return to the days of running after the train of his robe carefree-ly. of glory beauty power peace and joy.

we will shine. shine like stars above. shining in your light. guided by your love. let your fire burn in us. burning like the sun. as we glorify. show your kingdom come. in all the earth.

goodwood.

2005-11-04T13:30:00.000+08:00

yesterday marked my third work experience at goodwood park hotel. banquetting was smth i always feared. as a child, i always pitied the waiters and waitresses who had to constantly refill my soft drinks till the extent tt i drank slower so tt they didnt have to walk to and fro that much. then there was the immensely gorsteque mess left behind after a typical chinese dinner. then when i first went to ritz carlton for work attachment and saw the banquet manager roaring at the poor waiters to set up like 500 pax within an hr, i empathised. or rather, sympathised.

so last night, i finally stepped into their painful courtshoes that left 2 beeg blisters. and my left hand was left impaired all the way till today morning. i had to tie a pen to my elbow so tt i wont bend it when i slept. (how stupid can i get) all thanks to cocktailing and clearing. but i have no complaints : ) considering how little i did in comparison to the rest. and the stupid stupid mistakes i made last night. thanks to lc, jx, brian and yi ling for helpin this blur pok get past her first night of banquetting.

ahh then there was this funny incident on my way home frm dance pract yest. was on the bus and when i was abt to get ready to alight, this uncle looked at me and suddenly exclaimed "ehh chinese high got girls one ah?" cos i was wearing hwachong pe shirt. bah. totally embarassing. was trying to explain to him it was the jc part but it wasnt getting through. oh wells, i cant help but feel disgusted to be thought of being frm chi high. no offence. same would go for ri. haha hey im a true blue girl. i have long hair!!!

shall stop acting like a dumb bimbo.

spent most of the entire morning in library. had no where to head to after my medical checkup. speaking of that, the nurse who was checking my eyesight was totally awe struck by my eyesight. aww. is myopia that severe in singapore? she kept muttering "power...power" when i was rattling on with the finest print. muahaha. let me tell u a secret. cel is the most proud of her eyesight! time alone is so precious. not that i love being alone but u know what i mean.

was thinking through last week's sermon during service.

"the outcome of your life is not dependent on you but on the quality of the person you term as a friend"

tt doesnt mean that we have to select the creme of the crop to be friends with ( i mean hello look at the kind of friends ard me. hehe) but rather, when we decide to let someone walk into our lives and hearts, we should be sure that we can go through the toughest of times and bear all consequences of that friend's decisions and actions. best friends bring out the best in each other, go through the worst with each other : )

so tankew my friends : ) i thank god for every single one of you.

exec.

2005-10-30T21:53:00.000+08:00

"pls pray for pastor ferdie flores, missionary in east timor. he is going to be executed tomorrow by beating. pass the msg to all christians" - msg mich forwarded me

so bros and sisters, pls dun take religious freedom for granted.

halloween

2005-10-29T20:10:00.000+08:00

just read esther's blog abt halloween. then realised i forgot to blog abt it. so here goes.

halloween made me realised the ugliness of some hwachongians. 7c was in charge of the maze and we went to alot of efforts to put it up from scratch. i mean pple complain abt being stuck in it for half an hr or so but i hope they understand, we were INSIDE those cells mending holes and joining everything frm scratch for hours.

first u have pple who try to destroy the maze. someone tore thru a "wall" in desperation. others started tugging the garbage bags downwards so they could have a wider field of view and an idea of where they were.

i do understand ur desperation. but i dun see why the need for destruction.

then next u have pple who curse and swear or even hurt the "ghosts" physically(aka 7c pple) im thankful i was on first aid and rescue team duty. but even i was not spared. when i was leading someone out of the maze, i heard a grp of pple making alot of noise just 1 garbage bag away. so in the name of fun, i pressed my palm against the "Wall". guess wad. this guy grabbed it and started digging his nails into my palm and refused to let go. then he used another hand and started scratching away at mine.

we are not paid to stand there in the cells for almost 3 hrs to scare u. in fact, we did it just so tt the maze could be more fun for you.

but no matter wad. SCREAM was a beautiful memory for me. : ) much fun and excitement. becos of 7c i also saw the beauty of our classmates and the lengths they would go to just to help. thanks wenxi! for giving us this opportunity. : ) love ya 7c!

identity

2005-10-29T12:45:00.000+08:00

where does your sense of identity stem from?

your surname? your name? your school? your results? your commitments? or your friends? God?

or is it a fusion of all?

does that source change from time to time?

just some random thoughts on a very boring and mudane sat morn. anyway i wanna start a CIP project. miss my tutees : ( oh well. anyone interested?

salvation is here

2005-10-24T21:00:00.000+08:00

lift ur eyes above the situation
soar on eagle's wings
take flight.

:: God above all the world in motion
God above all my hopes and fears
And I don't care What the world throws at me now
I'm gonna be alright ::

2005-10-22T21:44:00.000+08:00

yay just updated my wishlist. *hints*

paiseh if it sounds abit vain.tsk.

xiz

2005-10-22T12:32:00.000+08:00

was just looking through my past mails out of boredom. when i chanced upon this letter frm my ex red cross senior xizhen ma'am. heh it makes me smile to read tt letter and reminds me of hc's beauty! : ) hope shes doing well now in germany on her psc scholarship : ) here goes...

Dearest juniors :)

Hello! Haha I decided to spring a surprise email on you all cos tomorrow's Hwa Chong's (and other JCs') Open House! :) Yup time to make an important choice - where and how you are going to spend the next 2 years of your life. Hope tomorrow's Open House will be helpful and informative and fun. Meanwhile, I'd like to tell you all more about Hwa Chong. Note: this is not an email to psycho you to come Hwa Chong, cos I do know many of you arent that interested lah.. But would just like to tell you about my experiences, somewhat, and also what I feel is important in the choice of JC.. Yups :)

5 Reasons why you should consider coming to Hwa Chong:

1. "Self-effacing, down-to-earth, khaki-clad people you will deeply appreciate. The least pretention is frowned upon. Where else can you find this?" -- Ripped this off someone's blog. I can't put it any better. The school culture is such that we treat one another with much sincerity. People will do things for you, and you will find yourself not minding going the extra mile for people around you.

2. A sense of community. You feel right at home here, you smile at every other Hwa Chongian, you meet new people everyday, people don't hesitate to make friends with you or judge whether you're cool or not before they make friends with you. -nods- Especially during the exam period, we study together and ask one another questions, knowing more people in the process. :) School spirit is strong, people go cheer one another on at sports events and concerts without being pushed too much. We have lovely mass dances and college songs that everyone identifies with, and a rich tradition to go with it. Alumni come back every year for Mid Autumn Festival (aka MAF), Chinese New Year, Orientation campfire, and senior-junior relationships are strong too.

3. You get a very good education! The Bio department is especially, as is the Humanities Programme. Other JCs may produce more Olympiad winners, but how many people can actually make it to International Olympiads? We have fantastic all-around results - i.e. everyone does well here, though we admittedly produce less of those specialised people. Teachers prepare you well for the As. -nods-

4. You get into Olympiad teams etc. easier, cos there is somewhat less competition. All the geppers from RI and RGS (and sometimes ACSI DHS yada yada) go to RJC, and bag all those places in the teams, so those who havent been specially trained in Sec School will find it hard to get into the teams. In Hwa Chong the RGS girls tend to be one of the better ones :) Plus the idea of Olympiads and science research programmes etc. is to get exposure and to learn right? So yups :)

5. Teachers here are the best!!! Teach well, give good notes, become your friends, give you help and advice outside of school. Esp during exam period, can see the teachers giving remedials all the time, printing extra questions and answers for people to practise. Very dedicated they are :) Even if they dont teach your class, they are definitely willing to help you if you ask.

OK I cannot be so one-sided right, so must give some reasons why you might not want to come too..

1. The Admin is not the most welcome to suggestions. This is not to say that new ideas won't be accepted, but you have to push very hard, be very persistent, and believe in your cause. Things can move slowly if you are sluggish, but if you work for what you want (e.g. if you want to start a new CCA or something) you will be able to achieve it. If you want to make changes majorly, you could join the Council! :) Hehh

2. This might be one of your concerns, that it's hard to get S papers in Hwa Chong. Lets see, the truth is that it is indeed not easy to get S papers, cos its very hard to get A for any subject. However, I dont see why you cant, as long as you work hard. If you're looking for the somewhat easier way out, I suppose this way is not the best. Stats are as follows: 23 people did BioS in my batch, about 30 in the previous batch. Hundred over people do Physics and Chem S, and Math S has even more, I think. If you're into the Humans Prog, then it goes without saying that you'll get S papers. Yups.

OK lah, think I shant take up too much of your time. Those are the summarised points. And they are from the bottom of my heart, no lying about the good or bad points. I guess everyone's concern is to get S papers so that you get scholarships. I'd say that, yes, that is important, but having a fulfilling 2 years is also equally important. Sometimes I look at those muggers and I wonder if they know what they're missing out on. I suppose it won't impact you until you're older, but when you look back, I'm sure you want to have something worthwhile to remember. That's not to say you wont have fulfilling CCA experiences elsewhere, but as a school, Hwa Chong really makes you love her. :)

Rights, lucks for you Os, my As started today with Bio Prac. I'm looking forward to the end too :) All the best!

Love,
Xizhen

2005-10-20T20:01:00.000+08:00

what do you do when you are in an environment with people struggling to a) promote to j2. b) keep their 4 subjects c) get their s papers d)get into olympiads.

you learn that you cant have the apple and eat it too. (yar i noe its cake, but haha someone will understand)

2005-10-19T00:41:00.000+08:00

im laughing at you.
yes i am talking to you celeste.
what a joke.
utter disappointment.

2005-10-15T22:47:00.000+08:00

was feeling tt way for a long time.

and thank God.

for making me feel loved once again : ) i love Youuuu.

2005-10-15T08:19:00.000+08:00

its only one week more to hc open house.

can hardly believe that a year has passed. since the day we were all anticipating excitedly- the start of our jc lives. when we stepped into hc and marvelled at the central plaza. when we longed to be part of the hwa chong family.

im looking forward to open house. perhaps when i see the keen faces of the sec 4s, it will rekindle the marvel i once had for hc. sounds sad huh.

to sum up my jc life- it was just a messy balance between what i really desired to do and what i needed to do.

but ahh save that deeper analytical stuff for another day.

just some random stuff:
*my zen micro broke down again. gah. yogi bear says i broke my record by spoiling two zen micros within 2 months. but hey it has smth to do with creative 's incompetency oso rite *cel pushes blame frantically*

*my brothers bday is tmrw. and i still have no idea wad to give. maybe i should settle for that addidas watch. there goes my allowance

*everyone- stairway to heaven rocks!

*just wanna drop a word of BEEG thanks to my running kakis for nvr failing to bring a smile : ) to my face and creating beautiful hc memories together. cellillen!

random enough? ive seemed to lose tt systematic organiser somewhere in my brain after promos. oh bleah.

stand still

2005-10-14T21:06:00.000+08:00

stand still
standstill

2005-10-06T14:47:00.000+08:00

You entered: Yap Jia Ying Celeste
There are 17 letters in your name.Those 17 letters total to 78There are 7 vowels and 10 consonants in your name.
Your number is: 6
The characteristics of #6 are: Responsibility, protection, nurturing, community, balance, sympathy.
The expression or destiny for #6:The number 6 Expression provides you a truly outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance. The 6 is helpful and ever conscientious, making you quite capable of rectifying and balancing any sort of inharmonious situation. You are a person very much inclined to give help and comfort to those in need. You have a natural penchant for working with the old, the young, the sick, or the underprivileged. Although you may have considerable creative and artistic talents, the chances are that you will devote yourself to an occupation that shows concern for the betterment of the community.
The positive side of the number 6 suggests that you are very loving, friendly, and appreciative of others. You have a depth of understanding that produces much sympathetic, kindness, and generosity. The qualities of the 6 make the finest and most concerned parent and one often deeply involved in domestic activities. Openness and honesty is apparent in your approach to all relationships.
If there is an excess of the number 6 in your makeup, you may exhibit some of the negative traits associated with this number. There may be a tendency for you to be too exacting and demanding of yourself. In this regard, you may at times sacrifice yourself (or your loved ones) for the welfare of others. In some cases, the over zealous 6 has difficulty distinguishing helping from interfering. You may have difficulty expressing your own individuality, because of involvement with responsibilities and causes. Like all with the Expression of the number 6, it's quite likely that you worry much too much.
Your Soul Urge number is: 1
A Soul Urge number of 1 means: Your Soul Urge is the number 1. With a Soul Urge number of 1, you want to lead and direct, to work independent of supervision, by yourself or with subordinates. You take pride in your abilities and want to be recognized for them. You may seek opportunities to display your strength and usefulness, wanting to create and originate. In your desire to manage the big picture and the main issues, you may often leave the details to others.
The positive 1 Soul Urge is Ambitious and determined, a leader seeking opportunities. There is a great deal of honesty and loyalty in this character. If you possess positive 1 Soul Urge qualities, you are very attainment oriented and driven to success. You are a loyal friend and strictly fair in your business dealings.
The negative side of the 1 Soul Urge must be avoided. A negative 1 is apt to dominate situations and people; the home, the spouse, the family and the business. Emotions aren't strong in this nature. If you possess an excess of 1 energy, you may, at times, be boastful and egotistic. You must avoid being too critical and impatient of trifles. The great need of the 1 Soul Urge is the development of friendliness, and a sincere interest in people.
Your Inner Dream number is: 7
An Inner Dream number of 7 means: You dream of having the opportunity to read, study, and shut yourself off from worldly distractions. You can see yourself as a teacher, mystic, or ecclesiastic, spending your life in the pursuit of knowledge and learning.

interesting heh? i think its quite accurate. now that promos are over. im a tired tired slug. boo while the class is pooling at lucky plaza im lazing around. unable to get out of my couch. the accumulation is getting back at me for ignoring it.

whee. shall go bathe and perk myself out and get ready for the sleepover! have fun partying EVERYONE (oops except 0s and as.)

2005-10-06T14:16:00.000+08:00

thanks to all those who carried me through this period.

the promos are over.

no more mugging.

period.

2005-09-17T21:22:00.000+08:00

hai so few people come online nowadays. like i even need to guess what they are doing. oh well was reading through my archives and chanced upon this entry that i typed last year. dated 17th September 2004, exactly one year ago. cool huh? here goes:

dun come near me. you will die of too much exposure to radiation.because stress is radioactive.outside the school hall. in the library. within the four walls of the bedroom.and the sad things is perhaps im numb to it all. mutagens. spontaeous alteration of gene structue. change in chromosome number. autosomal chromosomes with multiple alleles. heterozygous beings and thrombokinase converting prothrombin into thrombin. bile emulsifies fats by reducing the surface tension of fats breaking them up into tiny small fat globules and sppeding up the digestion of fats in the small intestine by intestinal and pancreatic lipase. luteinsing and follicle stimulating hormones are secreted by the anterior lobe of the pituitary gland. hyralulic action corrasion asolution and attrition are forms of coastal erosional processes. longshore drift is the carrying of materias along the shore due to waves breaking obliquely at shoer. swash carries up materials and backwash carries down materials vertically due to the action of gravity. longshore current carries beach materials in a direction parallel to the coast. planetary wind system. the equatiorial low pressure belt with sub tropical high pressure belt. north east trades deflected to the right in the northern hemisphere and south east trades deflected to the left in the southern hemisphere. the sun is overhead at the tropic of capricorn in january and december. the intergation of trigo functions. the speed of the boat relative to the canoe. still wind. still air. constant speed and derivatives. logarithmic functions and binomial theorems. northern ireland conflict between the protestans and catholics can be traced back to battle of boyne. total defence entails enemies taking on all singaporeans. singapore defence industry and electronic warfare secrecy with electronic shield over weapons. religious knowledge was abolished as singapore was a secular state and no pressure for conversion should be placed on students. vocational education in switzerland as apprenticeship is highly valued. pioneer certificates were awarded to companies who had new products previously not manufactured in singapore. or not manufactured in sufficient quantities to meet demands. pioneer industries were exempted from the 40%standard tax on all goods. mary turner twisted her shoulders in a horrible parody of coquetry. her marriage with dick turner was one where both of them were twisted in the own depths. a double solitude. he was a jonah and she was trapped in her uncouscious repressions of childhood memories. moses was her repressed memories. the craft of the poem refers to the techniques used by the poet. specs and slims. metaphors imagery rhythm alliteration. the atomic mass of an element is the average mass of one atom of the element with reference to the mass of one carbon 12 atom. calcium hydroxide is only sparigngly soluble in water. with higher temperatures, the rate of reactions is faster as the particles gain more energy. this results in a increase in the average kinetic energy of the particles causing them to move as to faster speed. the provision of energy also means that more particles possess the energy to overcome the activation energy barrier. the frequency of sucessful collisions increase. oxides are black solids most of the time. ammonia is derived upon heating ammonium hydroxide gently. mean mode median and the cumulative frequencey curve. the interquatile range can be found by subtracting the lower quartile from the upper quartile. the area of pyramids can be found by timing one third with its base area and finally its height. triangles that share the same height are similar. vector addition can either be carried out using the triangle or parallelogram.yes pardon me. but that does not even make up 5% of the stuff that is in my head now. and believe me, i did not look at any textbook, everything is etched in my head currently. talk to me about mugging. you will never understand the ultimate meaning of mugging until you are an oleveller, or maybe for some, alevellers. i dunno. it has become my life essential. i can go on without lunch and dinner for my precious marriane chongs tys and textbooks.thats why sometimes i wondeer. if olevels ended, would i still remember what my life was supposed to be before all this melancholic mugging set in? before i spent day and night staying back in school and studying in the library. would i still remember what it was like to eat without trying to think about the digestion processes going on in my alimentary canal.oh yea btw radioactive materials can be found in the earth crust and contributes to the background count registered when using the geiger muller tube.if you dun understand. dun even try to.

the time

2005-09-12T22:14:00.000+08:00

the time of the yr has come again.

unblocked. unblogged.

2005-09-10T12:32:00.000+08:00

it seems like somewhere along my blogging life since sec 2. i have lost the passion for it. no longer am i eager to share my hopes. my happiness. my disappointments. my life with it anymore. it has lost the personal element. and become a general ranting spot just to rant of its existence among the blogosphere. that hey. im still not on hiatus. still not yet.

that incident a few years back. i hate to think about it. and i hate to have to recount it.hate to remember it. the hurt and disappointment. the opportunities cost. because of his betrayal. i thought he was a friend. that could transcend the unique friendship we shared. that we need not see each other through the eyes of formality. but the act of betrayal hurt me very deeply. i wept. i cried and from then on, i no longer trust the eyes of those who scan through my writing. my innermost feelings and thoughts.

but now, i think its the time to pick myself up again. because what does not kill you only makes you stronger.

just some random thoughts running through my mind today.

do you ever imagine knowing your parents as a friend. rather than mom or dad. i dunno whether its true for others. but for me, i can never imagine my mum as an individual. who has her own dreams and desires. outside of the constant thinking of "whats the best for my child" that she too has her past failures and mistakes. she could have had a crush on someone who was not my father. she has so much in her life. that i may never know.

but like what lenny says. one day when i become a parent, i will truly understand.

but for now, i think i can truly feel the pain of my parents' sacrifice. ouch. tt hurt.

study club

2005-09-09T20:47:00.000+08:00

im an official member of the ALL prestigious READING CLUB! : )

*all hail celeste*

zen microo!

2005-09-04T22:32:00.000+08:00

i miss you so much.

i really do.

i never knew what it meant to lose you but now. i do.

you left me when i needed you the most.

journeys home become draggy.

time alone becomes scary.

my life has lost its music.

whats left now

is

nothing

more

than

battery.earphones.cable.charger.

why must this happen to my ZEN MICRO now?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

loving God still

2005-08-25T20:29:00.000+08:00

never be afraid.

to trust a known God with an unknown future.

ballon

2005-08-14T22:04:00.000+08:00

all the TIP people are chatting in a mass conv now. and am i exasperated. now my msn is in fan ti chinese. but i still cant type in fan ti. so while everyone is funkily typing complicated (fan ti) chinese. im loserly trying to type simplified english. boohoo!

was walking home from the mrt station yesterday. spotted a little boy of about 5-6 years old. he was walking towards the middle of the field with an orange balloon in his hands. at first sight, i thought "lucky fella, i never got an orange one before". but as he walked and as his friends were still playing at the side of the field, there was something very special about him. when he finally stood in the middle of the field, he let go of his balloon.

the balloon floated rapidly in the evening sky. he just looked at it once and ran back to join his friends. who were holding their balloons still. seemingly puzzled by his decision. just like how i was.

just like any other kids, they started playing again like nothing happened.

but as i stood and watched the balloon soar. i begun to realise that i have lacked what the little boy had. realising is always better late than never...

*never will we be apart. move in me. change my life. Jesus i give You all*

taiwan byebye

2005-08-12T20:53:00.000+08:00

byebye.

tears at the farewell dinner. tears at the airport.

ur presence will be much missed. the music room is empty. and only belongs to u all. : )

cant wait to see u all again in dec.